It’s been a tricky decision about the title of today’s post.  Nearly went for “To wig, or not to wig: that is the question”, but decided against it after a rather amusing appointment with the ‘wig lady’ at the Oncology Centre at the BRI.  Thank you V for managing to keep a straight face as nylon hair pieces kept popping off my rather large head.  The poor woman was mighty relieved when I suggested we have another bash at choosing one when my hair had fallen out.

I don’t really want to wear one anyway as I think I’ll be a bit more of a scarf person… well, we’ll find out soon enough as it’s coming out in handfuls now.  I had no idea quite how thick my hair was, it seems impossible that I’ve got any left after the amount of drain/floor/clothes clearance I’ve had to do since Sunday morning.  I’m looking forward to seeing K’s wig from London which is on its way down to me – she’s been bigging it up as something rather different, let’s hope it’s stretchy! (She’s looking gorgeous now after her breast cancer journey so it’s surplus to requirements.)

I will persevere with the wig search in case Joe and the family would prefer to see me in one.  I am not sure about it and will still need a bit of convincing.  If my eyebrows and eyelashes decide to disappear as well then I think wigs can look a bit odd and I’m not quite sure how much patience I will have with drawing on eyebrows and sticking on flash lashes.  Its funny what you start to think about when pushed – how our hair is so much of our identity, but how our brows and lashes are even more so as they define our face.  I like to think that I will be proud of my baldness as it proves and shows that I am in warrior mode fighting this bugger, we’ll soon see if I still think that!

It’s pretty remarkable how my shaggy mop has hung on until now.  Joe and I had a photo session booked for last Saturday (a date on which I agreed with the photographer quite some time ago based on hair-loss estimation by the registrar at the Oncology Centre). After a chat with the nurse during my first chemo I had given up the ghost of having hair for our “before” shoot as she predicted I’d be as bald as a coot within 10 days – yah boo sucks, I made it to 13 days!

It has been a bit of a shock, I know I’d been rather blasé about it all going but when it happened I did in fact need to come to terms with it.  Joe was determined to start cutting it on Monday so I had to hide the scissors as I needed just one more day… Anyway, as you will have seen on facebook, he did a cracking job.  I’m glad we went a bit shorter as it’s put his mind at rest (and mine) that I won’t look completely peculiar with short hair.  To those who haven’t known me since the heady days of 6^th form, I’ve had my hair this length since then, so it’ll be a bit of a change.

The plan was a shave it all off and go for a No.1 straightaway, but the thought of having anything more than scissors near my scalp right now fills me with horror – my head hurts.  Whenever I move my hair it’s like someone is sticking pins in me… they didn’t mention that in the hair-falling-out help books.  Sorry P, you can take the clippers off charge.

So, judging by the length of this post – maybe this has been playing on my mind more than I thought it would.

Back to general business – since the chemo brain went away I’ve been feeling great – pretty much normal actually, just half a stone lighter!  I was slightly worried about the fact that I haven’t been able to put the weight back on, but after thinking a little more about it, it may be an indication of the amount of wine and chocolate I usually consume – those are the two things that have had to go as I can’t face them; wine too bitter, chocolate too sweet – that is probably what most normal people dieting lose when they have the will-power to cut back on calories (not a concept I’m familiar with).

There were lots of appointments last week; echo-cardiogram to check heart (it’s still beating), line care for the PICC (it’s still in) and marking of Lump 1 and Lump 2 so they don’t lose them for the op after the chemo is done (they were still there) Lump 3 had already been done.

Had a distraction this week as our gorgeous little gluestick – Winston, I call him that as he keeps us all sane and holds us together – had his “Op” so he’s now in recovery and missing a couple of things that were making him chase his lady friends all over the fields of Olveston.

Looking forward to our first family outing to the Oncology Centre tomorrow. Papa is seeing Radiology to chat about options for him as his chemo wasn’t successful and I’ve got my pre chemo assessment in preparation for cycle no.2 on Monday.  Gaggy and Ali are coming along for the ride as well.

PS – can’t believe I’ve pretty much done three out of the 21 weeks already – time flies when you’re having fun 😉